Elizabeth & Thomas - Together Again

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks: Week 22 (AT THE CEMETERY)

When I looked at the prompt for this week I knew right away what I wanted to write about, but then I realized I had already written about this ancestor more than once. I pondered the challenge I signed up for, and realized it wasn't 52 DIFFERENT Ancestors in 52 Weeks. It's my blog so I get to make my own rules. 

I will focus on Elizabeth Young (nee Slicer) Thomson, my great grandmother, again. My dad called her Granny. She was known as Aunt Lizzie to her nieces and nephews.

I worked as an office administrator in a funeral home for 3 years where I learned a lot about cemeteries. I have spent a lot of time wandering around cemeteries. My best cemetery find doesn't belong to me ~ my husband gets all the credit.

In 2002 he was working in the Vancouver area, and agreed to go to Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Burnaby to look for my great grandmother's grave site. It took him two trips. On the first trip he searched for her site, and when he found it he cleaned it up. He also left the flowers I had asked him to bring. On his next trip he left more flowers, and was able to get me the perfect birthday present for my grandmother. It was a warm & sunny day. He was able to get me two rubbings of my great grandmother's grave marker. This one was grandma's. After she passed away my dad returned it to me. 

This grave marker rubbing was done in crayon. My grandmother was blind. She had lost her center vision to macular degeneration. Crayon was an ideal medium to use for this rubbing because my grandmother could feel the outlined edges of the headstone. She was able to read her mother's headstone with her fingertips. Had we used any other medium she wouldn't have been able to 'see' her mother's final resting place after so many years living away from British Columbia. My grandmother loved being able to visit her mother's graveside from her home in Manitoba.

Elizabeth is buried in Burnaby, British Columbia. 

My sons and I bringing flowers
visiting my great grandmother's grave site
Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada

Her husband, Thomas Thomson is buried in Calgary, Alberta. 

My cousin and her daughter bringing flowers
visiting our great grandfather's grave site
Burnsland Cemetery in Calgary, Alberta, Canada

     

They are so far apart. It is only symbolically that I am able to bring them back together again in this blog posting. 

May they rest in peace 

This is why I search - 

Cause ... 

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!

***Any errors are my own. Please send me any updates or corrections via the comments at the bottom of this blog post***

If you reference or use my blog posts in any way please

include a link to the specific blog and

credit http://somehowrelated.blogspot.com/

My blogs are ©Deborah Buchner, 2014 forward.

All rights reserved.

Please & Thank you!

Jack (John Robert) Graham ~ Navy Man

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks: Week 21 (Military)

This week's prompt MILITARY gave me lots of family members to choose from. 

My husband's family has a strong United Empire Loyalist (UEL) history including being related to James Secord. James was married to Laura (nee Ingersoll) Secord who was a Battle of 1812 heroine. I haven't yet found a connection for his family to General Lee, but I know it's pending.  There are historical military sites in Ontario that bear his family name. I am a 'base brat' who was born on an air force base, and began school on an army base. My great grandfather died while on duty as a guard at the Kananaskis Prisoner of War Camp during World War 2. He served for England in World War I. My grandfather who's mystery I haven't yet fully solved received a Canadian Military pension that my grandmother received as his widow after his death (in his assumed name). Just 2 weeks apart my X2 great grandfather lost his son & brother in WWI France's BATTLE OF THE SOMME with the 50th Canadian Battalion.2   My step-dad's father was a Belgian Prisoner of War during World War II, and I grew up seeing the swastika stamped release papers on the wall in our dining room. This list could keep going, but I think it's pretty clear I was faced with a challenge on who to feature for Blog Week #21 (MILITARY).

After a lot of debate I decided to feature my grandfather John Robert Graham who was known as Jack/Jacky. I never met Jack because he left the family before I was born. I grew up hearing stories about his grand (and not always responsible) adventures. He didn't stay in contact with his children after the divorce. My mother (his first born child) was named for him ~ Jacki-Roberta Graham. Jack was only 19 years old when my mom was born. Since mom was the oldest she had a lot of memories and attachments to her dad. He briefly returned to the family to walk her down the aisle when she married my dad in 1967. 

John Robert (Jack) Graham with daughter Jacki-Roberta
on her wedding day, 1967

Mom once said to me that she just couldn't understand how he could walk away from his children, and not look back. It made her sad. Jack had an alcohol problem. Jack's mother Nellie remained connected to mom and her siblings & their families. She visited them often, and spoke with them regularly. Nellie's relationship with Jack's family wasn't without issue because she too had issues with alcohol. For mom her father was a missing piece in her life. She and her siblings grew up healthy and happy. Grandma raised her kids as a single mother, supported them working as a telephone operator, did not consume alcohol, and never remarried. 

I seem to have gotten side tracked. Rather than starting over I will go back to the beginning, and introduce Jack.

John Robert Graham who was known as Jack and Jacky was born on the 7th of March 1930 in Winnipeg Manitoba. His parents were Robert Graham who was known as Bob/Bobby, and Nellie May Cannon. Jack passed away August 5th 2011 in Vancouver, British Columbia. My mother and some of her siblings had last seen him in September 1984 when they visited their grandma who was dying. Jack was at the hospital visiting his mother at the time of their arrival. The reunion was not celebratory.

Jack (John Robert) Graham played the accordion, but not the bagpipes likes his father did

Jack (John Robert) Graham and his grandfather Jack (Con)Cannon, Nellie's father 

Jack (John Robert) Graham and his dad, Bob/Bobby (Robert) Graham

With the assistance of Ancestry DNA I have been able to track back to my 5th great grandparents on the Graham line before I hit my brick wall of Peter Graham & Ann(e) Kirk.

Jack in the upper left in his Navy uniform with his mother (Nellie) to his left

Jack was in the Navy, and traveled the world. He served on HMCS (Her Majesty's Canadian Ship) BONAVENTURE. My dad was in Cyprus on peace keeping duties in 1965. He told me that in 1964 BONAVENTURE ferried all the equipment the Army used in Cyprus. There is a good possibility that my grandpa Jack was part of the crew that brought the very equipment my dad was using in Cyprus. 1

Jack (John Robert) Graham in England with the Navy stopped to see
his uncle Douglas Graham & cousins Dougie and Georgie

Jack (John Robert) Graham in uniform

Jack married my grandmother (details private as she is still living) in 1949.

Jack (John Robert) Graham & my grandma, on their wedding day

They went on to have 6 children. My mom remembered that when he was home he was a connected dad. He loved spending time with his wife and children. As the years went by he began spending more and more time away. My aunt shared with me this story that she remembered about her dad:

"Once he and Mom decided they were going to go away camping just the two of them.  They left with the station wagon all packed up, and everyone waved goodbye.  We were staying the weekend at home with Nanny.  A couple of hours later they were back. Dad insisted on coming and getting all of us including Nanny & the dog. That was the end of their alone time.  He was a hands-on Dad and when he was home he loved spending time with his kids.  He was proud of us, and would drag us out of bed to show us off to his friends when they had their house parties."

Jack (John Robert) with my grandma, and their oldest 4

My mother was their oldest, and passed away in 2015. All of her siblings are happy and healthy. 

Jack with my grandma and my mom (their first born child)

Jack with my grandma and my mom (their first born child)

Jack with my mom, Jacki (his oldest child)

Jack was a diver for the Canadian Military, and he took my mom scuba diving when she was small. I heard many times during my growing up about how fun it had been to go deep sea diving with her dad. Jack probably ignited the travel bug that followed my mom through to her adulthood. Jack was stationed in Halifax & Victoria, and the family moved around with him. 

Before (and after) joining the Navy Jack held many different jobs. When my mom was a baby he drove a dump truck for a time. When the family was moving to another residence in Winnipeg, Manitoba they loaded all their furnishings and possessions into the dump truck. Grandma tells this story explaining that my mom while seated on Grandma's knee reached out and pushed the DUMP button while they were stopped at a red light. Jack calmly reversed the dumping action just in time to avoid crisis. Can you imagine all their furniture dumped out right there on Portage Ave in downtown Winnipeg, Manitoba.

After grandma and grandpa Jack separated he went on to remarry and have another family. I believe he lost touch with his Graham relatives as well. When I found the living Grahams the wife of Jack's cousin messaged me that 'sadly Jacky passed young'. I corrected her, and provided a link to Jack's death announcement.

In later years Jack was a bus driver for the City of Vancouver transit system. In my early 20s I lived in Vancouver, and rode the bus. Every time I got on a bus with a male driver I would try to figure out if we shared any similar features. Never was I brave enough to approach any I thought might have been Grandpa Jack. I regret that now.

Jack (John Robert) Graham on his wedding day to his second wife
photo provided to Jack's children by his mother Nellie

I would like to believe that mom got her sense of adventure from the dad that she loved & lost.

This is why I search - 

Cause ... 

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!

***Any errors are my own. Please send me any updates or corrections via the comments at the bottom of this blog post***

Sources:

1 Canada's Rich History, Retrieved May 24th 2019 from
http://www.sevenyearproject.com/canadas-rich-history-bonaventure.html

2 The 50th Battalion on the frontlines of history, Amundson, and Paulina Liwski, July 30, 2014, Retrieved May 25th 2019 from

https://calgaryjournal.ca/news/2325-the-50th-battalion-on-the-frontlines-of-history.html

Personal family stories, as recorded by the author of this blog

If you reference or use my blog posts in any way please

include a link to the specific blog and

credit http://somehowrelated.blogspot.com/

My blogs are ©Deborah Buchner, 2014 forward.

All rights reserved.

Please & Thank you!

Nature VS Nurture ~ My 2 Dads (part 2 of 2)

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks: Week 20 (Nature)

This is part two of a two part series looking at NATURE VS NURTURE.  I worked in the field of social services, and studied Psychology. The topic of genetics vs learned has always fascinated me. Through no fault of my own I grew up with two fathers. Last week I focused on nurture - the stepfather who chose to be my dad. This week I am focusing on my birth father. Because my dad is still alive I won't be sharing in as much detail as I did in last week's blog. 

My parents separated when I was 8 years old, and I went from seeing a lot of my dad to only seeing him infrequently. My mom moved us to another province, and my dad was in the military so getting time off to visit with us was very difficult. Prior to the divorce dad sometimes went away for extended periods with the military, but when he was not away he was a hands-on dad. After a few years of only seeing dad for a month in the summer, and a week at Easter I moved in with him when I was a teenager, but moved back in with my mom and stepdad. In what became a 'parent hopping' situation I spent a school year with each parent until I graduated high school and moved out on my own. Dad and I are still close.

Dad, my brother, and I

My favourite memory was when I was 6 years old dad and I snuck out to see the Ice Capades. We had to sneak out because it was a special outing for me. Dad explained that my little brother was too little to go so we had to keep it a secret so he wouldn't be upset. I still remember being in awe as I watched Karen Magnussen skating. Dad bought me a mini pair of skates that attached to a pencil that I took to school the next day. I loved the outing and the souvenir. I was daddy's girl. 

Dad, my brother, and I 

I remember my mom telling me I was just like my dad, and I remember my dad telling me I was just like my mom. DNA doesn't lie. I am a blend of my mother and father in looks, temperament, and personality. My voice is similar enough to my cousin on my dad's side to have tricked her sister on the phone one day. I am the exact same height as my dad's mother was. I look quite a bit like my dad's paternal grandmother (now that I am getting older) which is very surprising since my dad didn't know she existed until I started searching. Nature/Biology is truly interesting when looking at what is inborn. 

Dad's paternal grandparents ~ Alexander & Mary (nee Maximiw) Pellack
Dad and I look quite a bit like his grandmother

Even though my dad wasn't there consistently for day to day I still share many of his mannerisms and traits. Some may have been learned from the years I lived with him, but many I was born with. My dad's early report card said he held his pencil too tight. One of my early report cards mentioned I held my pencil too tight. Did Dad teach me to hold my pencil?  Or do we naturally have a tight pencil grip? I still have a callus from those early years of pencil holding. We also share food preferences. We both love soup, sandwiches, chocolate, lemon meringue pie, and traditional foods. I have developed a taste for spicy and ethnic foods as an adult, but it was definitely a learned like. I have the exact same shaped eyes as dad, but my colour is the same shade as his sister's (a light green/blue colour). The colour is oddly dominant since my husband has brown eyes, and both our sons have the same shade as I do. It appears as though the light green blue shade is a common eye colour in the Ukrainian community. There is no one is my mother's side of the family with the same colour I have. 

 

Dad, my brother, and I 

When considering NATURE VS NURTURE it is often difficult to tease apart what is biology and what is environment.

This is why I search - 

Cause ... 

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!

***Any errors are my own. Please send me any updates or corrections via the comments at the bottom of this blog post***

If you reference or use my blog posts in any way please

include a link to the specific blog and

credit http://somehowrelated.blogspot.com/

My blogs are ©Deborah Buchner, 2014 forward.

All rights reserved.

Please & Thank you!

Nature VS Nurture ~ My 2 Dads (part 1 of 2)

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks: Week 19 (Nurture)

This is part one of a two part series looking at NATURE VS NURTURE.  I worked in the field of social services, and studied Psychology. The topic of genetics vs learned has always fascinated me. Through no fault of my own I grew up with two fathers. I was very blessed that both of my fathers loved me, and were there for me throughout my growing up. In today's world of co-parenting this isn't unusual. In the 70s we were unique. 

This week I will focus on my stepfather, and his family. When I was 8 years old my parents separated. By the time I was 10 I had two dads. My primary home was a blended family - His (2), Hers (2), Ours (1). My brother and I (hers) visited our father while 'his' visited theirs. My youngest brother had 2 older siblings every day of the year,  but it wasn't always the same brother and sister down the hall. This worked great for the practicality of a smaller home for extended visits, but didn't work great in creating attached relationship between all 5 of us. We were sibling groups of 3 -- my youngest brother belonged to both.

My earliest memory of my step-dad was when they were first dating. He was supposed to drop my brother and I off at the theater for a matinee, and return to pick my mom up. They planned to pick us up from the theater after the movie. He ended up calling my mom from the desk in the theater to tell her that he was going to see the movie with us. He went on the explain the movie playing was the Towering Inferno, and he thought it would be too scary for us to see alone. It wasn't long after that day that he moved in with us, and not too long after that they were married. This was a man that made us feel safe right up until the day he died in 2010. My brother and I called him dad, and he referred to us as his children. When I talk about my dads it is very confusing for folks because I reference them both as dad. Only when I need to clarify do I add their names. 

Our wedding day with my parents

When I was 10 my younger brother was born. He was my personal baby doll. I took him everywhere. The few photos we have of all 5 of us we do look alike with him being the tie that binds the 5. This is where Nurture and Nature appear to blend. I often wondered if it was because my parents looked quite a bit alike.

Around the time they first became a couple

When I was about 12 we were at my dad's work Christmas party when a coworker said to my dad that his daughter had short legs like him. My dad never clarified that I wasn't related to him genetically. He just smiled. Not too long after my brother was very sick in hospital, and the doctor asked about family history. Dad started answering questions when my mom gently reminded him the doctor likely wanted the biological family history. Dad often forgot we weren't his by birth.

Father & Daughter, on my wedding day

At age 13 I became a downhill skier. Without my dad this would never have happened. I am not a risk taker. The idea of strapping some sticks on my feet, and sliding down a mountain terrified me. My dad took me by the hand, and kept me safe while I figured out what to do. Not long before he died in January 2010 I stood on the top of a mountain in the beautiful sunshine looking at the beauty of the mountains, and gave thanks that I could enjoy this moment with my husband & two sons because of the dad who chose me when I was 8 years old.

Dad skiing

When we were first introduced to my new grandparents they accepted my brother and I as if we had been born to them. My new grandmother sat me at her table to see if I could be taught to knit pictures just like she did with all her grandchildren. My brother and I were accepted as grandchildren from the very first day we arrived. We were not of their blood, but that didn't matter. We grew under their hearts.

My brother and I with our dad and grandparents sometime in the 80s

Remembering the man who made the decision to be my dad even though he didn't need to be. 

Julien Joseph Boogemans

1947–2010

BIRTH 29 OCT 1947 • Heist Op Den Berg, Antwerpen, Belgium

DEATH 20 JAN 2010 • Balfour, British Columbia, Canada

First time Grandfather (with my oldest son on the day he was born)

In looking at who I am as an adult there is no doubt that NURTURE played a large roll. 

Next week I will share the NATURE side of my story. 

This is why I search - 

Cause ... 

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!

***Any errors are my own. Please send me any updates or corrections via the comments at the bottom of this blog post***

If you reference or use my blog posts in any way please

include a link to the specific blog and

credit http://somehowrelated.blogspot.com/

My blogs are ©Deborah Buchner, 2014 forward.

All rights reserved.

Please & Thank you!

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