52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks 2023: Week 9 (GONE TOO SOON)
October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Every year the whole month of October is dedicated to remembering infants who were born still or left us too soon.
Prior to 1988, when October was declared the month to remember, society didn't openly talk about miscarriages. It wasn't until 2002 that a specific day in October was chosen as a day to remember.
When my husband and I experienced infertility & miscarriage in the 1990s it was not talked about. If it was talked about it was spoken about in whispers with a tone of blaming & shaming.
We experienced difficulty conceiving.
We experienced difficulty in staying pregnant.
The babies we lost to miscarriage were not discussed.
They were not honoured.
We didn't plant trees.
We were told to forget about them, wait some time, and try again.
30 years later, and we have still not forgotten.
The pregnancy for our oldest son was difficult. At 5 weeks the ultrasound showed we were miscarrying. At 20 weeks we went into pre-term labour which they were able to stop.
The majority of that 10 months was spent on bedrest in and out of the hospital.
In the end he was delivered by emergency cesarean after his heart stopped.
Nothing about the pregnancy was as we planned, but it was successful.
We had a healthy baby in arms.
We were so grateful.
We were also surprised at how insensitive people can be.
Not too long after his birth our landlady stopped by with a gift. She casually mentioned that had I tried to be more active during the pregnancy the c-section could have been avoided.
I was speechless. I had laid on the couch for 10 months to keep the child, we so desperately wanted, alive. I wasn't laying around for my benefit. In fact it was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it because our child needed me to. Plus the reason for the c-section was my congenital anomaly not because I had laid around on the couch.
My half of the fertility issues were due to a Septate Uterus (See sources below for info about). The challenge in staying pregnant was due to his placenta attaching to the septate that had no blood supply. One edge of the placenta was never fully attached for the entire pregnancy. The septate also made natural delivery impossible. Had this occurred in the past I would have laboured until both of us died. They may have been able to save the baby, but the odds were not great for that to happen since the medical interventions we had during pregnancy were not available then.
I am grateful that society has made it okay to talk about infertility and infant loss.
When I find babies who died in our family tree I am always struck by the knowledge that it could have been our firstborn and I.
There would have been no second child.
This family would not have existed
30 years later we have two amazing sons. We are a family that wouldn't have existed before medical interventions became possible.
Our story has been waiting 30 years to be shared - it refuses to be forgotten
While adding folks to my father-in-law's line this past few weeks I found an Infant Pangborn. She is my husband's 7th great-grandaunt. I don't know what caused her death. She was born in New York, USA 1695, and died with only the name Infant Pangborn.
Her line ends right where it started, Infant Pangborn.
There is nothing more.
I have added her to our Bramble Bush & written about her this week.
She will not be forgotten.
My husband's father's maternal line descends through her brother (my husband's 7th great grandfather)
William Pangborn
BIRTH 1706 • Rahway, Union, New Jersey, USA
DEATH 1759 • Woodbridge, Middlesex, New Jersey, USA
and his wife
Mary Ann Coddington
BIRTH ABT. 1706 • Woodbridge, Middlesex, New Jersey, USA
DEATH 1780 • Woodbridge, Middlesex, New Jersey, USA
Remembering the babies born still and those gone too soon!!!
This is why I search -
Cause ...
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!
***Any errors are my own. Please send me any updates or corrections via the comments at the bottom of this blog post***
If you reference or use my blog posts in any way please
include a link to the specific blog and
credit http://somehowrelated.blogspot.com/
My blogs are ©Deborah Buchner, 2014 forward.
All rights reserved.
Please & Thank you!
______________________________________________________________
