Many years ago I moved quite far away from the town I was raised in where I still have family & friends. Over the years I rarely went back to visit. After my mother died I went home to take care of her affairs. As I drove into town I was sad. I realized I hadn't been back after my stepdad died 5 years previously. If my mom wasn't a big enough draw for me to visit would I ever come back now that she wasn't there?
 |
| BOB |
When I returned home after settling mom's estate I cried. I knew I wouldn't be back.
Last year my grandmother had a surgical procedure, and was not recovering as quickly as the family hoped. Family members were taking turns caring for grandma, and were all getting very tired. I decided to take mom's turn with grandma.
As I drove over 5 mountain passes with mom's little dog I knew that I was heading out on a very challenging journey. I felt that going home was going to be super hard. Everywhere I would see reminders of my mom who I could no longer pretend was just very busy living life back home.
When we arrived at grandma's independent residence mom's dog knew exactly where to go. She and mom had spent lots of time at Grandma's apartment, and even stayed overnight. In the more than 3 years since she had been there she hadn't forgotten. As the two of us walked through the hallways and rode the elevator mom's little dog would pose and wait for the other residents to shower her with attention. Only a few left her disappointed. I felt like I was traveling with a rock star. It would take us a long time to get in and out of the building while we stopped and visited with folks that remembered her from previous visits with mom.
I had thought that caring for grandma, and traveling with mom's little dog would be challenging. It was not. Siska was a fantastic traveler. Being with grandma was healing. I took the time to cruise the main street where I had cruised as a teen after loading my car with friends. I reconnected with family and friends. I realized that you can go home.
So what was challenging?
Grandma has boxes of photos, documents, and artifacts. As a family researcher I couldn't wait to spend time digging through them. Grandma's memory is very good. I had plans to take photos of the photos with my cell phone and take notes. Each night I would bring something out, and grandma would start talking. I tried to take photos, but then I missed the stories. I tried to take notes, but became engrossed in her stories.
My greatest challenge that week was simply being present. Not trying to collect photos, documents, and stories. Just listening while Grandma walked down memory lane. Watching her as she talked and reminisced while looking at photos left me with warm fuzzy feelings. Knowing that Grandma was over 90 years old, and I might never get a chance to collect her stories was hard. Just being present and connected was a gift I will never regret.
Grandma's recovery that week was amazing. The healing power of dogs is well known. For Grandma it was a tie to her precious daughter who had died. It was quite beautiful to see them together. When I was thanked for all I had done for grandma I let them know that I was simply Siska's wheels she was the true star of the moment.
Knowing that I might never get a chance to get grandma's details to go with the photos, documents, and artifacts was made okay by the experience I had in reconnecting with my grandmother.
 |
| Grandma with Siska |
Making memories, but not collecting them!
This is why I search -
Cause ...
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!
***Any errors are my own. Please send me any updates or corrections via the comments at the bottom of this blog post***
Links:
Amy Johnson Crow, 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks Challenge
https://www.amyjohnsoncrow.com/
https://www.amyjohnsoncrow.com/
If you reference or use my blog posts in any way please
include a link to the specific blog and
credit http://somehowrelated.blogspot.com/
My blogs are ©Deborah Buchner, 2014 forward.
All rights reserved.
Please & Thank you!
I find myself wishing that I'd listened more carefully to my mom's stories of family history. Glad you had some time with your grandmother.
ReplyDeleteFamily stories are such a gift
DeleteI can see how you'd want to take notes or photos while she talked, but being present was important. I once visited my great uncle and desperately wanted to take notes etc. Instead, as soon as I left his house, I called me mom and rehashed our conversation. And then when I got home, I sat down and typed everything I remembered.
ReplyDeleteI took as many notes as I could remember, and my aunt has been taking notes. My aunt has also recorded a few conversations with grandma, and at least one with her and her brother. I am hopeful that eventually I will have all the details.
Delete