Courting - an old fashioned term from a time with old fashioned values.
My X2 great grandparents were married in 1870.
In July it will have been 152 years since their marriage took place.
I don't think I would have really paid too much attention to Great Great Grandma Isabella & Great Great Grandpa Thomas' wedding & courting had the visual above not arrived in my inbox from Family Search this week.
With this week's prompt COURTING it got me to thinking about how different their experience in the 1860s was to mine in the 1990s.
What exactly would courting have looked like more than 150 years ago in a small fishing community on the east coast of Scotland?
First we need to consider how courting and dating differ.
Difference Between website summarizes:
"Courtship is about getting to know each other and developing a deep relationship before getting married whereas dating is mostly physical with no strings attached and no emotional intimacy." 1
The definition at the site (linked in sources below) clearly comes from a Christian perspective. Given the time and location we are researching the Christian perspective would be an appropriate lens to view through.
They were both 21 years old. Census records show they grew up within a 5 minute walk of each other. Both of their fathers were fisherman. It is very likely they knew each other from childhood. It's very likely their families were in the same social circle.
My husband and I were 25 years old when we met. We grew up very far from each other. Our families did not know each other. We met in a bar where we partnered in a tricycle race. He was an out-of-town construction worker staying at the hotel. I was a small town girl.
***(Cue: Journey's Just A Small Town Girl)***
Our experiences were VERY VERY different.
Lets go back to the definition.
It would seem they were courting, and we were dating.
BUT wait --- they were married in July of 1870, and their first child born in November of 1870.
Hmmm.... a child born 17 weeks after their marriage?
What a scandal that must have been in their small fishing community in 1870.
My husband and I were married 7 months AFTER our first child was born. We had been living common-law for 2 years, and had been receiving medical treatment for infertility. There was no scandal in our small community in southern British Columbia, Canada 120 years later.
Their first child was born in November. Our first child was born in November. Conception in February.
Their marriage in July. Isabella would have been about 5 months pregnant. Was she showing? Was their shame? The marriage records North Berwick as the location. It doesn't list if they were married in the home church of either of them. Did their families belong to the local church? There is no religion recorded on the census records of either family.
At our marriage - our 7 month old son was the ring bearer with the rings tied into his shoe laces.
Very different experiences.
In the years that I have been doing genealogy research I have discovered that in the past many first born children were not born 10 or more months after the wedding.
I wonder if the past really was that different than the present.
Now back to Isabella & Thomas.
They were married till death did they part when Thomas died on February 22nd 1919 at the age of 70.
Today is the 103rd anniversary of my Great Great Grandpa Thomas' death.
Isabella died July 29th 1943 at the age of 95. She did not remarry.
They had 8 children.
Mary Thomson
BIRTH 28 NOV 1870 • North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland
DEATH 16 DEC 1973 • Edinburgh, Midlothian, Scotland
Isabella (Bella) Thomson
BIRTH 6 JUN 1872 • North Berwick, Haddingtonshire, Scotland
DEATH 5 MAY 1950 • Deaconess Hospital, Edinburgh, Midlothian, Scotland
Henry Thomson
BIRTH 19 JAN 1874 • North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland
DEATH 8 AUG 1971 • Edinburgh, Midlothian, Scotland
Agnes Thomson
BIRTH 07 MAR 1876 • Graham's Close, North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland
DEATH 30 JUL 1956 • 205 Berea Street, Pretoria, Eastern Cape, South Africa
Thomas Thomson (my great grandfather)
BIRTH 10 MAY 1880 • North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland
DEATH 19 NOV 1940 • Kananaskis, Alberta, Canada
James Devlin Glass Thomson
BIRTH 26 SEP 1883 • North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland
DEATH 31 AUG 1966 • Raumati Beach, Kapiti Coast, Wellington, New Zealand
Laura Edward Thomson
BIRTH 14 FEB 1887 • Someville's Court, North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland
DEATH Unknown
Richard Alexander Thomson
BIRTH 12 JUL 1892 • Tynemouth, Northumberland, England
DEATH Unknown
Realizing the past may have been more similar to the present than you ever realized!
This is why I search -
Cause ...
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!
***Any errors are my own. Please send me any updates or corrections via the comments at the bottom of this blog post***
Photo:
A Match Made in 1870, Celebrate the marriage of your ancestors. Thomas Thomson & Isabella Glass. Family Search. Retrieved February 23rd 2022 from personal Family Search account.
Footnotes:
1. Difference Between Courting and Dating. Difference Between. Retrieved February 23rd 2022 from
http://www.differencebetween.net/language/words-language/difference-between-courting-and-dating/
Links:
Amy Johnson Crow, 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks Challenge
https://www.amyjohnsoncrow.com/
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