Nature VS Nurture ~ My 2 Dads (part 1 of 2)

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks: Week 19 (Nurture)

This is part one of a two part series looking at NATURE VS NURTURE.  I worked in the field of social services, and studied Psychology. The topic of genetics vs learned has always fascinated me. Through no fault of my own I grew up with two fathers. I was very blessed that both of my fathers loved me, and were there for me throughout my growing up. In today's world of co-parenting this isn't unusual. In the 70s we were unique. 

This week I will focus on my stepfather, and his family. When I was 8 years old my parents separated. By the time I was 10 I had two dads. My primary home was a blended family - His (2), Hers (2), Ours (1). My brother and I (hers) visited our father while 'his' visited theirs. My youngest brother had 2 older siblings every day of the year,  but it wasn't always the same brother and sister down the hall. This worked great for the practicality of a smaller home for extended visits, but didn't work great in creating attached relationship between all 5 of us. We were sibling groups of 3 -- my youngest brother belonged to both.

My earliest memory of my step-dad was when they were first dating. He was supposed to drop my brother and I off at the theater for a matinee, and return to pick my mom up. They planned to pick us up from the theater after the movie. He ended up calling my mom from the desk in the theater to tell her that he was going to see the movie with us. He went on the explain the movie playing was the Towering Inferno, and he thought it would be too scary for us to see alone. It wasn't long after that day that he moved in with us, and not too long after that they were married. This was a man that made us feel safe right up until the day he died in 2010. My brother and I called him dad, and he referred to us as his children. When I talk about my dads it is very confusing for folks because I reference them both as dad. Only when I need to clarify do I add their names. 

Our wedding day with my parents

When I was 10 my younger brother was born. He was my personal baby doll. I took him everywhere. The few photos we have of all 5 of us we do look alike with him being the tie that binds the 5. This is where Nurture and Nature appear to blend. I often wondered if it was because my parents looked quite a bit alike.

Around the time they first became a couple

When I was about 12 we were at my dad's work Christmas party when a coworker said to my dad that his daughter had short legs like him. My dad never clarified that I wasn't related to him genetically. He just smiled. Not too long after my brother was very sick in hospital, and the doctor asked about family history. Dad started answering questions when my mom gently reminded him the doctor likely wanted the biological family history. Dad often forgot we weren't his by birth.

Father & Daughter, on my wedding day

At age 13 I became a downhill skier. Without my dad this would never have happened. I am not a risk taker. The idea of strapping some sticks on my feet, and sliding down a mountain terrified me. My dad took me by the hand, and kept me safe while I figured out what to do. Not long before he died in January 2010 I stood on the top of a mountain in the beautiful sunshine looking at the beauty of the mountains, and gave thanks that I could enjoy this moment with my husband & two sons because of the dad who chose me when I was 8 years old.

Dad skiing

When we were first introduced to my new grandparents they accepted my brother and I as if we had been born to them. My new grandmother sat me at her table to see if I could be taught to knit pictures just like she did with all her grandchildren. My brother and I were accepted as grandchildren from the very first day we arrived. We were not of their blood, but that didn't matter. We grew under their hearts.

My brother and I with our dad and grandparents sometime in the 80s

Remembering the man who made the decision to be my dad even though he didn't need to be. 

Julien Joseph Boogemans

1947–2010

BIRTH 29 OCT 1947 • Heist Op Den Berg, Antwerpen, Belgium

DEATH 20 JAN 2010 • Balfour, British Columbia, Canada

First time Grandfather (with my oldest son on the day he was born)

In looking at who I am as an adult there is no doubt that NURTURE played a large roll. 

Next week I will share the NATURE side of my story. 

This is why I search - 

Cause ... 

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family you know!

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